Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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