Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
