this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
