Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
its liver damage thursday
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
