Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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