So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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