Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
