Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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