grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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