people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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