I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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