dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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