OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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