I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
