too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
