remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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