hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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