I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
