I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
