I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
