my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
