yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
