cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Jerry, you need to find god
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
