I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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