Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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