you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
