Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
God I need to hump something, right now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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