someone get that fucking seahorse.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
