I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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