The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
