I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
