So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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