mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
