I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
