I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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