you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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