His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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