I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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