What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
