her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
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She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
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We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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