I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize