Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
