a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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