apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
