Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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