Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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