I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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