So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
