The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
