Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
