I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
