i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
