party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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