I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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