maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
