Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
