I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
