I want to walk on stilts...naked
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
