halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
