tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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