I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
