she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
