DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
