yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
