Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
