Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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