I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize