You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
