sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
