I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
