Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do vagina's smell?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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