I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
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How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
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Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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