And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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