I am full of burrito and curiosity
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
