Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
