But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
