Who wears a wallet chain?!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
